Today is my baby’s official due date… my first child, so I’m brand new at this. As parenthood has neared, I have received lots of joking comments about how all my time management and organization ideals are going to fly out the window when our precious little bundle of chaos arrives.
Honestly, the possibility does freak me out a little. I know things will be different and that I will be working with a whole new set of challenges, but I choose to remain confident that I can nevertheless continue to manage my time and energy effectively.
Still, it’s true that parenting seems to be one of those things where you never really know what you are getting into until you are actually in it.
Just pregnancy itself has been giving me some chances to ease into living a different way, hopefully a form of gentle preparation for parenthood. I never know which days I will feel great and which I will feel completely worn out, so I need to be careful of how I plan and how I set expectations with myself, and I need to be open to flexibility.
I also need to be careful to balance giving my body what it’s asking for in the moment, and being self-disciplined. After all, even though I feel physically tired a lot, it’s vitally important to keep getting at least some exercise and practicing my relaxation exercises even when I don’t really feel like it.
However, I also need to be careful not to over-push myself. This principle of balancing self-discipline with gentleness and flexibility is always sound, but it’s become even more critical since I became pregnant, and I suspect it will become even more central (though in different ways) once our baby is here.
And most of all, pregnancy is a reminder for me that I have no idea what’s coming when. I have no idea when I’ll actually have this baby—it could happen anytime or it could still be close to 4 weeks away. This project has no set launch date. The uncertainty makes it tough to sense how much time I have to get things done, and it also makes it tough to decide how much to push myself and how much to rest.
Having the baby will be the big transition though… and I await the unknown delights and travails eagerly. Here are the top three pieces of advice that parents I know shared when I asked them for time management advice for my life post-baby:
Be flexible.
Even if you are great at handling your kid and know how long it usually takes to do things such as leave the house with them, you never know which days will be usual and which will be… something else. And, when you make other plans for yourself, you never know when they will be sick or have a terrible tantrum or something else you didn’t predict.
Finally, quality time with a kid is a special thing. Sometimes in the midst of a special moment or opportunity for bonding, you might change your mind at the last minute and decide that playing is more important than crossing something off a list.
Leave lots of space.
I’ve talked a lot about buffering many parents have advised me that incorporating extra time into everything you plan is important as a parent, too. Leaving extra time for everything makes it possible to take unanticipated complications in stride, and hopefully not be too late too often for commitments.
Prioritize relentlessly, and manage your expectations.
Making conscious choices about what truly matters to you is important to time management no matter what your situation. Having a child is a huge new commitment of time, energy, money and every resource you have… leaving less than you’ve been used to for everything else that matters to you.
Don’t expect that the rest of your workload (and playtime) will go unaffected. Your overall time and energy resources are staying the same, but the amount leftover after you’ve taken care of baby will be much smaller. Plan accordingly, choose what matters carefully, and don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to maintain your previous lifestyle and expectations.
One parent shared that he chooses only one item a day that he wants to get done when he spends the day caring for his little daughter. He might get more than that one item done, and he might not. Either way he goes into the day with a very clear focus and a specific, reasonable expectation for what he’ll focus on when he isn’t focused on caring for his child.
Streamline teamwork and communication.
If you’re raising your child with the help of a spouse or partner, you’ll be taking your teamwork to a whole new level when your child arrives. Building shared routines and proactively clarifying who’s responsible for what is critical.
Most parents I spoke with mentioned a need for using shared tools to track time commitments and the use of shared resources such as a car. One mom mentioned using shared Google calendars for this purpose and another couple showed me a whiteboard in their kitchen. It sounded like many couples who had previously relied on informal planning often felt a need to begin using more structured tools to work together on these kinds of logistics… probably because they had more going on and less time to spend catching each other up casually.
So wish me luck!
Overall I feel hopeful that my husband and I will take all these changes in stride, though I’m sure there will be many challenges along the way. It will all be worth it!
How have you dealt with your productivity and time management challenges in the wake of a huge new challenge like bringing a new person into the world? And if you’re a parent, do you have any advice for me?
Thank you to everyone who has shared parenting advice with me on this and other topics, including Alexia Roy, Terry and Tyan Hynes, Catherine Nichols, Chas and Siana Wineland and Elizabeth McMunn-Tetangco!
I’m sure you’ll take motherhood in stride! AND soon be able to give other new moms the best advice.
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